Politics

Theresa May Plans War in Syria to Distract Everyone From Failing Brexit

12 Apr , 2018  

UK Government Plans ‘Switcheroo’ Distraction With Syria A spokesperson for the Cabinet has said: “We’re planning to get involved with Syria to distract everyone from our other failings. Our hope is that, even if we clusterfuck this other nation, people will be too consumed with what’s happening to point out our other issues. “We plan […]

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Sports

Russia ‘Terrified of World Cup Humiliation’, Claims England manager

22 Mar , 2018  

Russia Are Just Scared of Quality English Football – Southgate The England football manager, Gareth Southgate, has thrown his unwanted opinion into the debate surrounding the breakdown in UK-Russia relations. Speaking through an interpreter (as he seems to have less of a grasp of the English language than Fabio Capello did), Southgate said: “In my […]

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Politics

‘Russia is a bit of a Shithouse’, Says PM Theresa May

16 Mar , 2018  

Theresa Not Happy With Russia’s Antics The Prime Minster has stated that ‘Russia are acting like a bit of a shithouse over this whole poisoning thing’. The comments were made after she had announced Russian diplomats would be expelled from the country but she did not realise her microphone was still on when she spoke […]

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Entertainment

British Man Set To Rebuild The Empire One Carling At A Time

23 Feb , 2018  

Patriotic British Man Fuelled By Alcohol Is Going To Recapture The World Blackpool resident Barry Stanton is set to claim back the British Empire with his army of patriotic lads and a shit-tonne of Carling. Staton said: “We plan to get one back on the foreigners by invading where they come from. We don’t like […]

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Breaking, Entertainment

Parliament to Auction off Wales on Cash in the Attic

20 Oct , 2017  

UK Government Decides to Get Rid of Wales The Government has announced it’s new plan to generate more revenue for the country by selling off one of it’s less favourable assets – Wales. Parliament has long wanted to get rid of ‘Cymru’ and the (mostly northern) Welsh finally have their wish of no longer having […]

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Politics

Jeremy Corbyn Vows To Bring Back Gulag

16 Oct , 2017  

Corbyn Announces Forced Labour Camps UK Labour Party leader Jeremy Corbyn has today announced that he intends to bring back the Gulag if he is elected Prime Minister. The extremely socialist left-wing politician has announced a new initiative to get more Brits into work; by introducing forced labour. The move will all but eliminate the […]

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Politics

Trump ‘No Longer Gives a F***’

28 Sep , 2017  

Sources Inside the White House Claim Trump Has Given Up Secret White House recordings have today revealed the President ‘No longer gives a fuck’ in regards to literally anything. Tapes, leaked online by a White House interior aide reveal the President having a bit of a paddy whilst in a meeting with some of his […]

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Breaking, Politics

Voters Stunned When Conservative Party Does Nasty Things

14 Sep , 2017  

Conservative voters were today shocked when the party they voted for, which has a history of making heartless decisions and implementing budget cuts, did yet another evil thing. John Smith, who voted for the Tory’s in the St. Margaretstone constituency said: “Its rocked me to be honest. I know the party has a history of […]

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Politics

Lib Dem MP: “Our Fence-Sitting is Still Relevant’

14 Sep , 2017  

Liberal Democrat MP Tony Cucklesworth went on record today claiming that the Lib Dems are still a relevant party in British politics. Despite sort of being in power two years ago, the Lib Dems now only have 12 seats. This makes them now the fourth-largest political party. Cucklesworth, MP for South Bunglesford, said: “We are still […]

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