Sports

England Players Excited For Their Two-Week Holiday

8 Jun , 2018  

Three Lions Looking Forward To Jolly In Russia A spokesperson for the England team has come forward saying the squad is looking forward to the fortnight they’ll spend in Russia at the World Cup. No one in the squad expects to achieve anything and the players are looking forward to having a good time abroad. […]

, , , ,

Sports

Russia ‘Terrified of World Cup Humiliation’, Claims England manager

22 Mar , 2018  

Russia Are Just Scared of Quality English Football – Southgate The England football manager, Gareth Southgate, has thrown his unwanted opinion into the debate surrounding the breakdown in UK-Russia relations. Speaking through an interpreter (as he seems to have less of a grasp of the English language than Fabio Capello did), Southgate said: “In my […]

, , , , , ,

Sports

Everyone Can Go Back To Not Liking Rugby Now

16 Mar , 2018  

No Need To Pretend You Know What a ‘Scrum’ Is Anymore With the Six Nations coming to a close people up and down the country are thrilled they no longer have to pretend to like Rugby. People can go back to not pretending to know what a ‘scrum-half’ is when down the local pub. A […]

, , , ,

Women laughing at a sad bodybuilder

Sports

Bodybuilder Disappointed by Lack of Sex Despite Basically Living in the Gym

19 Feb , 2018  

A Bodybuilders Sex Life A full-time bodybuilder faces a drought in the dating world as he struggles to get any action whatsoever, despite dedicating his entire life to lifting weights and improving his appearance. Yorkshire resident Tony ‘The Tank’ Mitchell is a weight lifter, bodybuilder and lover of Labrador puppies who claims to have a […]

, , , , , , ,

Sports

Sports Direct to Only Sell Umbro After Brexit

11 Feb , 2018  

Sportswear Giant Sports Direct to Only Sell Patriotic Umbro After Brexit CEO of Sports Direct, Mike Ashley, has announced that following Brexit all non-British brands will cease to be sold in stores. The move comes as an initiative to make the nation more patriotic. No longer will consumers be able to purchase fashionable foreign brands […]

, , ,

Sports

Previously Sacked Football Manager Prepares to Lead New Club to Failure

6 Feb , 2018  

Sacked Football Manager Joins New Club and Sets About Destroying Them A FOOTBALL manager who was recently fired from a team he had ruined, has found a new job at another football team, which he can now start to ruin. The manager said: “when I got my marching orders from my previous club, I wasn’t […]

, , , ,

Sports

Unlikely MLS Player Set To Become Record Signing For Chelsea

30 Jan , 2018  

Chelsea Set To Land Key Player, Yerda Selsavon After spending the majority of the transfer window on the hunt for a target man, it appears Chelsea have finally made a signing. 24 year old Israeli international Yerda Selsavon, who currently plays for the Seattle Sounders, is rumoured to have agreed a contract. Both footed, able […]

, , , , , ,

Sports

‘Devoted’ United Fan Has Never Even Set Foot In Manchester

10 Dec , 2017  

Diehard Fan Can’t Point Out Manchester On A Map Football Fan Jimmy Flannel has come under heavy criticism for claiming to be a ‘diehard’ supporter of Manchester United despite never even setting eyes on the northern city. Other supporters have come out calling him a ‘mug’, ‘glory-hunter’ and ‘plastic fan’. Jimmy, who only talks about […]

, , , ,

Sports

Sunday League Footballer With 0 Goals Claims He Could Have Turned Pro

27 Nov , 2017  

Amateur Sunday League Footballer Exposed as a Fraud A Sunday League footballer has been caught lying about his sporting ability. Big Dave, of East Chunderford Athletic, was found out to be lying about the fact he was ‘a top notch striker’ after failing to register a single goal in the first half of the season. […]

, , ,

Sports

Cricket Confirmed As Really Boring, Science Proves

28 Sep , 2017  

Cricket Named as the World’s Dullest Sport Pioneering research into dull sports from the University of Hull has concluded Cricket is actually really boring. Despite what your local toff believes, the sport has been scientifically proven to be possibly the worst thing on Earth. Oliver Rhombus-Chestington, president of the World Cricket Federation said: “Personally I […]

, , ,