Post by: Big Ronnie

A photo of a sad giraffe

Breaking

“Surprised We Made It This Far” Says Endangered Giraffe

4 Apr , 2018  

Giraffes are on the brink of endangerment thanks to decades of hunting and habitat destruction. Now featured on the endangered animals list, giraffes are “absolutely livid”. It’s a sad truth we must all come to terms with; our children may never get to ride a giraffe. “Our necks are embarrassingly long and it’s nothing more […]

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Breaking

Coffee Bean Prices Higher Than Bitcoin After National 4 Day Piss-Up Ends

3 Apr , 2018  

Now that everybody is done celebrating Jesus’s death and rebirth, it’s time to go back to relying on caffeine full-time. The rat race is back in full swing and coffee is in serious demand. The four day weekend is over and as a result, demand for coffee is sky high. Local shops struggle to meet […]

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Angry train commuters

Breaking

Train Commuters Demand More Consistent Ticket Inspections

9 Mar , 2018  

Daily train commuters are furious that they can get the train for free despite continuing to purchase tickets before the journey “to save money”. A group of Britons have recently voiced their opinion on the train ticket situation in the UK. Commuters aren’t happy with how inconsistent the ticket inspectors are with their rounds. They’ve been […]

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International Womens Day Protest

Breaking

Male-to-Female Transgender Op Faces 2.5x Price Surge on International Women’s Day

8 Mar , 2018  

International Women’s Day Price Surge Horror With #InternationalWomensDay trending on twitter, demand for male-to-female operations has shot through the roof. The NHS have taken a leaf out of Uber’s book and issued a 2.5x price surge for today only. International Women’s Day occurs on the 8th of March and gives women the opportunity to get […]

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ALDI cashier being ticketed

Entertainment

ALDI Employee Ticketed For Scanning Over The Speed Limit

3 Mar , 2018  

Britain’s fastest serving supermarket ALDI is renowned for scanning dirt cheap products faster than you can respond to the cashiers “how are you?”. Employees are expected to scan at least 100 items per minute, which is approximately one hundred times faster than Tesco. If an employee fails to meet ALDI’s scanning policy, they must undergo […]

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Women laughing at a sad bodybuilder

Sports

Bodybuilder Disappointed by Lack of Sex Despite Basically Living in the Gym

19 Feb , 2018  

A Bodybuilders Sex Life A full-time bodybuilder faces a drought in the dating world as he struggles to get any action whatsoever, despite dedicating his entire life to lifting weights and improving his appearance. Yorkshire resident Tony ‘The Tank’ Mitchell is a weight lifter, bodybuilder and lover of Labrador puppies who claims to have a […]

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happy bus driver

Breaking

Bus Driver Ecstatic to Receive £20 Note as Payment

12 Feb , 2018  

Bus Drivers love giving out change A recent report reveals that a bus driver from Barnsley was “more than happy” to hand out change. A customer apologetically paid for their journey with a £20 note but was pleasantly surprised with the outcome. Johnny Baxter, senior public transport ambassador was genuinely happy to be able to […]

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Kylie Jenner Lip Kit

Breaking

After nine months, Kylie Jenner reveals that her Lip Kits are from Poundland

4 Feb , 2018  

The Kylie Jenner Scandal Kylie Jenner is renowned for her completely reasonably priced lip kits, retailing at a very modest £30 a lipstick. The lip kits come bundled with a bog-standard lipstick and a Primark-standard lip liner. She’s appeared in the media a lot lately due to speculation of whether her lip kits are just […]

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The santa bod

Breaking, Entertainment

Experts shed light on the new “santa bod” fetish

1 Dec , 2017  

Mince pie season is in and girls are asking for a different kind of gift from santas sack. First it was your classic buff guys, then came the dad bod. After which came the love for skinny hipsters.  You can probably guess what’s next. The female populations indecisiveness is clearly present in all aspects of […]

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Breaking

Lynx Africa share price quadrupled this december

1 Dec , 2017  

The new million dollar investment: Lynx Africa. The moment the clock struck twelve on the last day of November, there was an immediate spike in share prices for Lynx Africa. Mums from around the world immediately start panic buying from every Poundland, Tesco and B&M. Shelves are cleared out almost instantaneously as retailers struggle to […]

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Entertainment

‘Balding Men Should Just Give Up’ – Women

2 Oct , 2017  

Hairline Starting to Recede? Start Worrying Now A recent social study has concluded that women who are dating bald men or men that are showing signs of balding are either “waiting for the right moment to break up” or simply looking to “let themselves go without the fear of being alone”. The statistics suggest that […]

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