A spokesperson for the England team has come forward saying the squad is looking forward to the fortnight they’ll spend in Russia at the World Cup. No one in the squad expects to achieve anything and the players are looking forward to having a good time abroad.
When asked if they were taking it seriously, England Captain Harry Kane said: “No. It’s almost a certainty we’ll get knocked out in the group stage. I’m sure we’ll lose to Belgium and then we’ll probably get rumbled by Panama.
“We’re just going there for the laughs. I get to share a room with Henderson and we’re planning to stay up late watching the Goal trilogy.
“The hotel we’re staying at has karaoke so we’re planning on getting Nick Pope drunk and making him do the John Barnes Rap. I can’t wait to get a photo from outside the Kremlin and I’ve asked Sterling to remind me to get some of those Russian dolls.”
When asked about how the prospect of Russian hooliganism and racism towards players will affect the squad, Kane said: “Hooliganism and casual racism? I doubt it’ll be too much different to what we experience at home.”