A spokesperson for the Cabinet has said: “We’re planning to get involved with Syria to distract everyone from our other failings. Our hope is that, even if we clusterfuck this other nation, people will be too consumed with what’s happening to point out our other issues.
“We plan to pool all of our time and energy into directing the press to ask us about Syria. This way they can’t ask us any difficult questions about rising knife-crime, homelessness or Brexit.
“We aren’t bothered by any of the potential consequences. It won’t be any of our children who are being carpet bombed. Plus, a nice far-away war is just what we need to boost the economy. So what if a few squaddies die? That’ll help us out by reducing the wage bill.”
We’ll bring you more heartless comments from the people who the country as and when we get them.