A photo of a sad giraffe


“Surprised We Made It This Far” Says Endangered Giraffe

4 Apr , 2018  

Giraffes are on the brink of endangerment thanks to decades of hunting and habitat destruction. Now featured on the endangered animals list, giraffes are “absolutely livid”. It’s a sad truth we must all come to terms with; our children may never get to ride a giraffe.

“Our necks are embarrassingly long and it’s nothing more than a miracle that our twiggy legs can support that sort of weight to be honest.”



Oxenmouth News asked some giraffes for their opinion on the endangerment of their brotherhood. We successfully transcribed the interviews using Googles latest Giraffe-to-English translation technology:

“Our necks are about 4 miles long which means I have to focus most of my energy staying balanced, rather than trying to survive”

“As much as I hate humans, you can’t blame them for our piss poor genetics”

“Although I am pretty annoyed that little Jessica and her daddy brutally murdered my cousins for a few likes on Facebook”


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A professional bodybuilder, crossfitter and bowls player who occasional likes to write funny articles. Can deadlift over 10kg on a good day. Big fan of caravans.

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