Theresa May Plans War in Syria to Distract Everyone From Failing Brexit

12 Apr , 2018  

UK Government Plans ‘Switcheroo’ Distraction With Syria A spokesperson for the Cabinet has said: “We’re planning to get involved with Syria to distract everyone from our other failings. Our hope is that, even if we clusterfuck this other nation, people will be too consumed with what’s happening to point out our other issues. “We plan […]

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A photo of a sad giraffe


“Surprised We Made It This Far” Says Endangered Giraffe

4 Apr , 2018  

Giraffes are on the brink of endangerment thanks to decades of hunting and habitat destruction. Now featured on the endangered animals list, giraffes are “absolutely livid”. It’s a sad truth we must all come to terms with; our children may never get to ride a giraffe. “Our necks are embarrassingly long and it’s nothing more […]

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Coffee Bean Prices Higher Than Bitcoin After National 4 Day Piss-Up Ends

3 Apr , 2018  

Now that everybody is done celebrating Jesus’s death and rebirth, it’s time to go back to relying on caffeine full-time. The rat race is back in full swing and coffee is in serious demand. The four day weekend is over and as a result, demand for coffee is sky high. Local shops struggle to meet […]

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