We sent a reporter to the streets of Sheffield to ask people if they had ever been to Birmingham. Not one person said yes. Conclusion: Birmingham isn’t real and we’re all being lied to – here’s why.
1. A Quick Test
Ask yourself ‘Have I ever been to Birmingham’ if you answer ‘No’ how can it be real? If you answered ‘Yes’ are you sure you went or is that what they want you to believe?
Also, if it is real, what the fuck is this thing:
2. What Does ‘Birmingham’ Have to Offer?
The four pensioners we harassed for answers on the streets of Sheffield had nothing to answer with. We aren’t scientists but you don’t have to be to see through the facade of the ‘Second City’.
3. The Accent Cannot Be Real
The most important part of the conspiracy is the fabled patois. The supposed accent is too much of a mockery for it to be actually real. If the area exists, it’s surely some sort of inside joke. We however think no one would want to speak sounding so ridiculous. We’re on to you Birmingham.