University Students Can’t Tell Which Day of the Week It Is

9 Mar , 2018  

Days Merge Together For Uni Students

An epidemic has spread throughout the country where University students are unable to tell which day of the week is which. Many have been reported as ‘confused’ or ‘monged out on the sofa’ without seeing sunlight for long periods of time.

Our reporter placed himself in a student dorm in Leeds to find out what was going on. There appears to be mixed feeling towards the phenomenon,

Tom, 19, said: “It’s such a strange thing, I’ll put on Jeremy Kyle then look at the clock and it’s 4pm. I’ll have wasted my day watching shite on ITV. Personally I love it, it’s like time travelling. Once I put on Netflix for a quick 20 mins before Uni, next thing I’m back home for Christmas break.”

Not all are thrilled.

Lucy, 21, said: “It’s really disorientating, once I was about to hand in some coursework but glanced at Tumblr and boom! Missed the submission date by three weeks. Came to my senses all sad, drew the blinds for a bit of Countdown, blink, and next I’m on site for my placement year. It’s mad.

“I sleep through most plans I make now and it makes it difficult to keep milk in the fridge. Bizarrely, I find myself longing for a rigid agenda like I had at school. Without one I find myself to be a nihilistic clusterfuck of a human floating through life.

“Has it’s moments though.”


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Former manager of a Sunday league football team, achieving nearly 2 points in 11 games. Just as good at journalism, never lifted a weight in his life.

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