Politics

Welfare State to be Renamed ‘What a State’

22 Mar , 2018  

Government Plans To Let Shambles Continue The government has revealed plans to tackle ongoing problems in the areas of health and social care. Re-branded the “what a state”, the current welfare state system will be completely overhauled by just giving up and allowing it to continue descending into a farce. This includes encouraging storm force […]

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Sports

Russia ‘Terrified of World Cup Humiliation’, Claims England manager

22 Mar , 2018  

Russia Are Just Scared of Quality English Football – Southgate The England football manager, Gareth Southgate, has thrown his unwanted opinion into the debate surrounding the breakdown in UK-Russia relations. Speaking through an interpreter (as he seems to have less of a grasp of the English language than Fabio Capello did), Southgate said: “In my […]

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Sports

Everyone Can Go Back To Not Liking Rugby Now

16 Mar , 2018  

No Need To Pretend You Know What a ‘Scrum’ Is Anymore With the Six Nations coming to a close people up and down the country are thrilled they no longer have to pretend to like Rugby. People can go back to not pretending to know what a ‘scrum-half’ is when down the local pub. A […]

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Entertainment

Purpose of Frogs Still a Mystery, Say Top Scientists

16 Mar , 2018  

Nobody is Sure Why Frogs Exist Top scientists and research students from the University of Cambridge have revealed they don’t know what the purpose of frogs is. This failure comes after an 18-month experiment and investigation into finding out their exact purpose. The research cost the university and the UK taxpayer a total of £1.6M […]

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Politics

‘Russia is a bit of a Shithouse’, Says PM Theresa May

16 Mar , 2018  

Theresa Not Happy With Russia’s Antics The Prime Minster has stated that ‘Russia are acting like a bit of a shithouse over this whole poisoning thing’. The comments were made after she had announced Russian diplomats would be expelled from the country but she did not realise her microphone was still on when she spoke […]

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Entertainment, Featured

Single Man Celebrates Steak & Wank Day

12 Mar , 2018  

A Single Man Is Making The Holiday More About Self-Love Barry Knobber from Portsmouth is planning to take celebrating Steak and Blowjob Day into his own hands – literally. As Barry does not have an S.O., he intends to tenderise his own mean, in both respects on the evening of the 14th of March. We […]

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Entertainment

Conspiracy: Is Birmingham Real or Just a Myth?

10 Mar , 2018  

Is Birmingham Real? Will We Ever Know The Truth? We sent a reporter to the streets of Sheffield to ask people if they had ever been to Birmingham. Not one person said yes. Conclusion: Birmingham isn’t real and we’re all being lied to – here’s why. 1. A Quick Test Ask yourself ‘Have I ever […]

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Entertainment

University Students Can’t Tell Which Day of the Week It Is

9 Mar , 2018  

Days Merge Together For Uni Students An epidemic has spread throughout the country where University students are unable to tell which day of the week is which. Many have been reported as ‘confused’ or ‘monged out on the sofa’ without seeing sunlight for long periods of time. Our reporter placed himself in a student dorm […]

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Angry train commuters

Breaking

Train Commuters Demand More Consistent Ticket Inspections

9 Mar , 2018  

Daily train commuters are furious that they can get the train for free despite continuing to purchase tickets before the journey “to save money”. A group of Britons have recently voiced their opinion on the train ticket situation in the UK. Commuters aren’t happy with how inconsistent the ticket inspectors are with their rounds. They’ve been […]

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International Womens Day Protest

Breaking

Male-to-Female Transgender Op Faces 2.5x Price Surge on International Women’s Day

8 Mar , 2018  

International Women’s Day Price Surge Horror With #InternationalWomensDay trending on twitter, demand for male-to-female operations has shot through the roof. The NHS have taken a leaf out of Uber’s book and issued a 2.5x price surge for today only. International Women’s Day occurs on the 8th of March and gives women the opportunity to get […]

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ALDI cashier being ticketed

Entertainment

ALDI Employee Ticketed For Scanning Over The Speed Limit

3 Mar , 2018  

Britain’s fastest serving supermarket ALDI is renowned for scanning dirt cheap products faster than you can respond to the cashiers “how are you?”. Employees are expected to scan at least 100 items per minute, which is approximately one hundred times faster than Tesco. If an employee fails to meet ALDI’s scanning policy, they must undergo […]

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