British Man Set To Rebuild The Empire One Carling At A Time

23 Feb , 2018  

Patriotic British Man Fuelled By Alcohol Is Going To Recapture The World

Blackpool resident Barry Stanton is set to claim back the British Empire with his army of patriotic lads and a shit-tonne of Carling.

Staton said: “We plan to get one back on the foreigners by invading where they come from. We don’t like immigrants in this country, so we’re going to immigrate to their country to prove a point.

“The boys will hit a co-op for some cheap crates of Carling. Next we’ll file into our trusty Corsas and drive across the channel tunnel ready to win back the empire.

“Not entirely sure how we’ll do it but I do know enough Carling can get any job done.”

When asked about his plans for the Empire post-Brexit, Staton said: “Not sure what we’ll do with the Carling-colonies but I know what we’ll do about Blighty.

“We’re gonna get the Corsas and block the channel tunnel and stop immigration 100%. If people start trying to get across by boat we’ll get our best lads on making some amphibious Corsas and have full-blown naval warfare.”

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Former manager of a Sunday league football team, achieving nearly 2 points in 11 games. Just as good at journalism, never lifted a weight in his life.

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