Vegan Baby Smarter Than 12-Year-Olds, Because It Doesn’t Drink Milk

9 Feb , 2018  

Baby is Super Intelligent Due to Vegan Devotion to Soy

A baby from the midlands is performing exceptional feats and the parents say it is all down to the child’s vegan lifestyle. The baby, Josh, can already read, speak and write as though he was at secondary school. Despite several other prevalent factors contributing to the intelligence, the malnourished baby is supposedly a genius because his brain hasn’t been contaminated with the horrible chemicals found in meat.

Margaret ‘Meat is Murder’ Meagle, mother of the child, said: “It’s incredible what he’s doing. We just hope one day he doesn’t accidentally get peckish for a bacon butty and break the spell.

“Without the nasty GMOs in his body, Josh is able to excel. Everyone should stop eating meat immediately and join our cult!

“There are loads of health benefits that come along with Veganism. Plus you get to look weird and try make other people feel guilty for eating meat, even though we’ve done it as a species since our inception!”

Not all agree…

One doctor we spoke to said: “It’s a load of bollocks. The reason that ‘baby’ has the mental age of a 12 year old is because he is 12, he’s just been critically undernourished on chia seeds.

“Please, someone get him away from those monstrous parents and give that lad a Big Mac!”

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Former manager of a Sunday league football team, achieving nearly 2 points in 11 games. Just as good at journalism, never lifted a weight in his life.

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