Entertainment

British Man Set To Rebuild The Empire One Carling At A Time

23 Feb , 2018  

Patriotic British Man Fuelled By Alcohol Is Going To Recapture The World Blackpool resident Barry Stanton is set to claim back the British Empire with his army of patriotic lads and a shit-tonne of Carling. Staton said: “We plan to get one back on the foreigners by invading where they come from. We don’t like […]

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Women laughing at a sad bodybuilder

Sports

Bodybuilder Disappointed by Lack of Sex Despite Basically Living in the Gym

19 Feb , 2018  

A Bodybuilders Sex Life A full-time bodybuilder faces a drought in the dating world as he struggles to get any action whatsoever, despite dedicating his entire life to lifting weights and improving his appearance. Yorkshire resident Tony ‘The Tank’ Mitchell is a weight lifter, bodybuilder and lover of Labrador puppies who claims to have a […]

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Breaking

Man Uses Memes As Unhealthy Coping Method

17 Feb , 2018  

Man Ignores Problems, Finds Comfort In Memes A student from Sheffield has began to use the unconventional method of ‘Meme Therapy’ to deal with his issues. Whilst not actually recommended (or even acknowledged by doctors) the bizarre method does seem to be getting results. It is believed since creating the method it has taken off […]

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happy bus driver

Breaking

Bus Driver Ecstatic to Receive £20 Note as Payment

12 Feb , 2018  

Bus Drivers love giving out change A recent report reveals that a bus driver from Barnsley was “more than happy” to hand out change. A customer apologetically paid for their journey with a £20 note but was pleasantly surprised with the outcome. Johnny Baxter, senior public transport ambassador was genuinely happy to be able to […]

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Sports

Sports Direct to Only Sell Umbro After Brexit

11 Feb , 2018  

Sportswear Giant Sports Direct to Only Sell Patriotic Umbro After Brexit CEO of Sports Direct, Mike Ashley, has announced that following Brexit all non-British brands will cease to be sold in stores. The move comes as an initiative to make the nation more patriotic. No longer will consumers be able to purchase fashionable foreign brands […]

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Entertainment

Single Man Plans Romantic Wank For Valentines Day

11 Feb , 2018  

Lonely Man Without Valentines Lights Candle For Self-Love A man without a date for Valentines day has decided to add romance to his live during his evening wank. Tony Glump of Chesterfield has decided that lighting a candle as he tugs one out may be enough to stem his sadness for one evening. Speaking exclusively […]

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Entertainment

Vegan Baby Smarter Than 12-Year-Olds, Because It Doesn’t Drink Milk

9 Feb , 2018  

Baby is Super Intelligent Due to Vegan Devotion to Soy A baby from the midlands is performing exceptional feats and the parents say it is all down to the child’s vegan lifestyle. The baby, Josh, can already read, speak and write as though he was at secondary school. Despite several other prevalent factors contributing to […]

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Breaking

Kim Kardashian Refuses to DENY Accusations She is a Lizard

9 Feb , 2018  

‘No Comment’ from Kim Kardashian on Lizard Claims In a recent public media appearance Kim Kardashian has once again made no comment on the accusations that she is in fact a lizard. A member of the associated press posed the question, stunning celebrity, with Kim only giving a frosty reply of’ ‘no comment’ before storming […]

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Entertainment

Oral Sex Linked to Higher IQ… But There’s a Catch

8 Feb , 2018  

Giving Oral Sex Makes You Smarter, Recipient Dumber, Finds Science Studies by top researchers has found that regularly giving oral sex has links to being smarter. Data from the same study was also found to show that recipients drop IQ points. An experiment at the University of Manchester had participants perform oral sex acts upon […]

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Sports

Previously Sacked Football Manager Prepares to Lead New Club to Failure

6 Feb , 2018  

Sacked Football Manager Joins New Club and Sets About Destroying Them A FOOTBALL manager who was recently fired from a team he had ruined, has found a new job at another football team, which he can now start to ruin. The manager said: “when I got my marching orders from my previous club, I wasn’t […]

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Kylie Jenner Lip Kit

Breaking

After nine months, Kylie Jenner reveals that her Lip Kits are from Poundland

4 Feb , 2018  

The Kylie Jenner Scandal Kylie Jenner is renowned for her completely reasonably priced lip kits, retailing at a very modest £30 a lipstick. The lip kits come bundled with a bog-standard lipstick and a Primark-standard lip liner. She’s appeared in the media a lot lately due to speculation of whether her lip kits are just […]

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Entertainment

Woman Gets Bad Luck, Despite Tweet Promising She Wouldn’t

4 Feb , 2018  

Retweet Doesn’t Stop Bad Luck Apparently SHOCK travelled across the world this morning after a Twitter user who retweeted a picture of a giraffe captioned “retweet this in 10 seconds or you’ll get bad luck” got bad luck. The user, an eighteen-year-old woman from Birmingham, was ironically trampled to death by a herd of giraffes […]

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