Entertainment

Gym Instructors Cash in on New Year Resolutioners

31 Dec , 2017  

Gym Owners Excited About Easy Money Chad Dangle, a South Yorkshire gym owner, is now minted due to the common New Year’s resolution of getting in shape. Dangle said: “My biggest concern at the minute is what colour my yacht should be. I’m really excited about selling gullible novices protein bars at £4 a pop. […]

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Entertainment

Essex Woman Excited to Give Up Her Resolutions After a Fortnight

31 Dec , 2017  

Plans Are Already Being Made to Cancel New Year Resolutions An Essex woman is excited to give up on her yearly resolutions after appearing committed to them for about a fortnight. Kathy Badgerbuckle of Colchester said: “I’m going to go to the gym three times a week, eat nothing but kale and rice and give […]

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Entertainment

Grimsby Named As International Capital of Culture for 2018

27 Dec , 2017  

Grimsby – European Fishing Port & World Influencers The picturesque town of Grimsby has been named as International Culture Capital of the World after a successful bid for the accolade. It rivalled Berlin, Milan and Rio de Janeiro but eventually won out in front of a panel of judges. Debbie Flump who chaired the town’s […]

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Breaking

Man Has Annual Boxing Day Existential Crisis

26 Dec , 2017  

Bloke Ponders the Point of Existence Again Once again Coventry man Alistair McAllister has pondered his existence now that Christmas has finished and the festive season has peaked. He is currently partaking in his annual existential dilemma. McAllister said: “I don’t know what to do. With the leftovers, with my life or anything really. “I’m […]

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Breaking

Cynical Man Claims He Hates Every Time of Year Not Just Christmas

22 Dec , 2017  

Moody Man is Miserable Month After Month Oxenmouth resident David Flaps has publicly said he is cynical and miserable all year round and not just at Christmas. Flaps said: “Yeh I actually hate all times of year, it really annoys me when people say that I’m just a cynic about Christmas. “Halloween, New Year, Valentines […]

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Entertainment

Fully Grown Man Too Excited For Christmas

22 Dec , 2017  

Adult Needs To Tone It Down For Xmas Local residents of Oxenmouth borough have been disgusted at the actions of one man who appears to be far too excited for Christmas. Barry McGeldrin was seen drunk, shirtless and festively playing with his nipples. He has since been charged with being drunk and disorderly as well […]

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Entertainment

Santa Found To Not Be Paying Living Wage To Elves

19 Dec , 2017  

Mr Claus In Hot Water Over Elf Pay Concerns An independent inquiry has discovered that Santa Claus has not been paying the living wage in his factory. Concerns were flagged by the Elven Trade Union (ETU) and there are calls for reform or there is possibility for a strike. The Elves were being paid on […]

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Sports

‘Devoted’ United Fan Has Never Even Set Foot In Manchester

10 Dec , 2017  

Diehard Fan Can’t Point Out Manchester On A Map Football Fan Jimmy Flannel has come under heavy criticism for claiming to be a ‘diehard’ supporter of Manchester United despite never even setting eyes on the northern city. Other supporters have come out calling him a ‘mug’, ‘glory-hunter’ and ‘plastic fan’. Jimmy, who only talks about […]

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The santa bod

Breaking, Entertainment

Experts shed light on the new “santa bod” fetish

1 Dec , 2017  

Mince pie season is in and girls are asking for a different kind of gift from santas sack. First it was your classic buff guys, then came the dad bod. After which came the love for skinny hipsters.  You can probably guess what’s next. The female populations indecisiveness is clearly present in all aspects of […]

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Breaking

Lynx Africa share price quadrupled this december

1 Dec , 2017  

The new million dollar investment: Lynx Africa. The moment the clock struck twelve on the last day of November, there was an immediate spike in share prices for Lynx Africa. Mums from around the world immediately start panic buying from every Poundland, Tesco and B&M. Shelves are cleared out almost instantaneously as retailers struggle to […]

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