Hamsters Confirmed As Terrible Pets

28 Sep , 2017  

Hamsters Voted As Worst Pet

Voting concluded at the Shit Pet Awards today and critics unanimously agreed that Hamsters are the worst pet to own. ‘The fact they literally do nothing’ was cited as the main reason.

The award for second place was taken by snakes, as owning one makes you look like a serial killer. Guinea Pigs, for obvious reasons, took third place.

The award means that for the next year every pet shop that sells Hamsters will have to warn a potential buyer of just how shit an animal they are. Pets at Home will also have to display banners listing the reasons why hamsters are furry twats. The judges deliberated and gave some of the reasons for their verdict.

Tracy McOgledon, one of the voting critics, said: “Hamsters are tiny, pathetic and quite boring as a pet. They’re nocturnal, so you don’t see them do much and when they are awake all they do is run on a wheel like they own the place.

“You can’t train them to do anything. They’re not majestic like cats; I very much doubt they are loyal like dogs. Hamsters are basically just fancy mice and our voting reflected that.”

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Former manager of a Sunday league football team, achieving nearly 2 points in 11 games. Just as good at journalism, never lifted a weight in his life.

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