Breaking

Your Cats Hate You, Research Suggests

30 Sep , 2017  

New Research Claims Cats Are Horrible New collaborative research stemming from the Universities of Newcastle and Sheffield conclusively reveal cats just don’t give a fuck. It has been confirmed that cats actually hate their owners and make terrible pets. The study, soon to be published in many scientific journals, also said people who claim to […]

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Entertainment

Hamsters Confirmed As Terrible Pets

28 Sep , 2017  

Hamsters Voted As Worst Pet Voting concluded at the Shit Pet Awards today and critics unanimously agreed that Hamsters are the worst pet to own. ‘The fact they literally do nothing’ was cited as the main reason. The award for second place was taken by snakes, as owning one makes you look like a serial […]

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Entertainment

Drinking WKD Doesn’t Make Him Any Less Manly, Man Insists

28 Sep , 2017  

WKD Discrimination & The Fight For Equal Drinking Rights Continues A man has been caught in a local branch of Wetherspoons desperately trying to defend a popular alcopop. James Stringlefellow, from Norwich, bought the bright blue and barely alcoholic drink just after 10pm on Friday. On his way back from the bar, girls began to […]

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Sports

Cricket Confirmed As Really Boring, Science Proves

28 Sep , 2017  

Cricket Named as the World’s Dullest Sport Pioneering research into dull sports from the University of Hull has concluded Cricket is actually really boring. Despite what your local toff believes, the sport has been scientifically proven to be possibly the worst thing on Earth. Oliver Rhombus-Chestington, president of the World Cricket Federation said: “Personally I […]

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Entertainment

Man Too Shy To Poo At Work

28 Sep , 2017  

Being Too Shy To Poo At Work Is Ruining His Career Nervous businessman Barry Tiggles went on record to say how shy he’s been too shy to go for a poo whilst at work. An accountant from Burnely, Tiggles had been regularly driving home to relieve himself as he was too nervous to use the […]

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Politics

Trump ‘No Longer Gives a F***’

28 Sep , 2017  

Sources Inside the White House Claim Trump Has Given Up Secret White House recordings have today revealed the President ‘No longer gives a fuck’ in regards to literally anything. Tapes, leaked online by a White House interior aide reveal the President having a bit of a paddy whilst in a meeting with some of his […]

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Breaking

Milk In Tea First Linked To Being A Psychopath

25 Sep , 2017  

Wrongly Making Tea Could Mean You’re Psychotic A recent study has been published claiming that putting the milk in a cup of tea first is linked to being a psychopath. The research, published by Portsmouth Metropolitan University, stated that every single psychopathic murderer arrested last year made a cup of tea by putting milk in […]

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Entertainment

Anal Sex Improves Life Expectancy, Study Confirms

25 Sep , 2017  

Scientists Are Excited About The Health Benefits of Anal A recent scientific study has been published and claims that receiving anal sex improves life expectancy. Researchers at University College London have discovered that life expectancy for people who often receive anal sex increases by up to three years. Professor Phinga Mhbumole regarding the discovery, said: […]

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Breaking

Youtuber With 6 Subscribers Goes Full Time To Make Money

21 Sep , 2017  

Man Makes Bold Decision, Becomes Youtuber Norfolk resident Tony Diggles has made the decision to go full time to become a Youtuber and he can’t wait to cash in. Diggles currently only has 6 subscribers but somehow received 167 views on his latest Minecraft ‘Let’s play’, prompting him to go full time. Formerly an Estate […]

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Breaking

Graduate Realises Uni Isn’t Actually Worth It

21 Sep , 2017  

Graduate Student Comes To Shocking Realisation Tom Spiffswell, a recent graduate of Leeds Beckett University, suffered an existential crisis today where he realised Uni has been a total waste of time. Following his graduation and receiving a 2:2 in Archaelogy, Spiffswell realised he had actually wasted the past three years of his life getting into […]

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Breaking

Dogs Have No Idea What Is Going On, Researchers Discover

21 Sep , 2017  

New Research Suggests Dogs Are Really Stupid A conclusive experiment from Sheffield Hallam University has successfully proved that dogs have no idea what is going on. It has been proven that Man’s best friend is actually a complete idiot. The species, despite how intelligent its owners claim it to be, has minimal self-awareness and lives […]

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Breaking, Entertainment

Defiant Geography Student: ‘Didn’t want a job anyway!’

14 Sep , 2017  

Geography Student Doesn’t Want Employment A defiant geography student has today gone on record to say he “did not actually even want a job” before he started his degree and undertook it for his passion of colouring. Jacoby Slump studied the three-degree at the University of Hull. He said: “Getting a job that pays well […]

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