Politics

LEAKED: Donald Trump & Kim Jong-Un Sex Tape

8 Jun , 2018  

Heads Of State Compare Missiles In XXX Film A spokesperson for Donald Trump has declared the American President at the leaking of his personal sex tape with the North Korean leader. It is not clear at this time who has leaked the tape. There are some early reports that it was leaked by Kim as […]

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Sports

England Players Excited For Their Two-Week Holiday

8 Jun , 2018  

Three Lions Looking Forward To Jolly In Russia A spokesperson for the England team has come forward saying the squad is looking forward to the fortnight they’ll spend in Russia at the World Cup. No one in the squad expects to achieve anything and the players are looking forward to having a good time abroad. […]

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Entertainment

Lad Complains Ladbible is No Longer Very ‘Laddish’

3 May , 2018  

Bloke Not Impressed With Toned-Down Laddery Self professed ‘proper lad’ Tony Johnstone has stated he is annoyed about the current state of Lad Bible. Since it’s inception as a purely a Facebook page sharing ‘Laddish’ content almost a decade ago, it has morphed into the third largest social media and entertainment company in the world. […]

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Politics

Theresa May Plans War in Syria to Distract Everyone From Failing Brexit

12 Apr , 2018  

UK Government Plans ‘Switcheroo’ Distraction With Syria A spokesperson for the Cabinet has said: “We’re planning to get involved with Syria to distract everyone from our other failings. Our hope is that, even if we clusterfuck this other nation, people will be too consumed with what’s happening to point out our other issues. “We plan […]

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A photo of a sad giraffe

Breaking

“Surprised We Made It This Far” Says Endangered Giraffe

4 Apr , 2018  

Giraffes are on the brink of endangerment thanks to decades of hunting and habitat destruction. Now featured on the endangered animals list, giraffes are “absolutely livid”. It’s a sad truth we must all come to terms with; our children may never get to ride a giraffe. “Our necks are embarrassingly long and it’s nothing more […]

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Breaking

Coffee Bean Prices Higher Than Bitcoin After National 4 Day Piss-Up Ends

3 Apr , 2018  

Now that everybody is done celebrating Jesus’s death and rebirth, it’s time to go back to relying on caffeine full-time. The rat race is back in full swing and coffee is in serious demand. The four day weekend is over and as a result, demand for coffee is sky high. Local shops struggle to meet […]

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Politics

Welfare State to be Renamed ‘What a State’

22 Mar , 2018  

Government Plans To Let Shambles Continue The government has revealed plans to tackle ongoing problems in the areas of health and social care. Re-branded the “what a state”, the current welfare state system will be completely overhauled by just giving up and allowing it to continue descending into a farce. This includes encouraging storm force […]

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Sports

Russia ‘Terrified of World Cup Humiliation’, Claims England manager

22 Mar , 2018  

Russia Are Just Scared of Quality English Football – Southgate The England football manager, Gareth Southgate, has thrown his unwanted opinion into the debate surrounding the breakdown in UK-Russia relations. Speaking through an interpreter (as he seems to have less of a grasp of the English language than Fabio Capello did), Southgate said: “In my […]

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Sports

Everyone Can Go Back To Not Liking Rugby Now

16 Mar , 2018  

No Need To Pretend You Know What a ‘Scrum’ Is Anymore With the Six Nations coming to a close people up and down the country are thrilled they no longer have to pretend to like Rugby. People can go back to not pretending to know what a ‘scrum-half’ is when down the local pub. A […]

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Entertainment

Purpose of Frogs Still a Mystery, Say Top Scientists

16 Mar , 2018  

Nobody is Sure Why Frogs Exist Top scientists and research students from the University of Cambridge have revealed they don’t know what the purpose of frogs is. This failure comes after an 18-month experiment and investigation into finding out their exact purpose. The research cost the university and the UK taxpayer a total of £1.6M […]

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Politics

‘Russia is a bit of a Shithouse’, Says PM Theresa May

16 Mar , 2018  

Theresa Not Happy With Russia’s Antics The Prime Minster has stated that ‘Russia are acting like a bit of a shithouse over this whole poisoning thing’. The comments were made after she had announced Russian diplomats would be expelled from the country but she did not realise her microphone was still on when she spoke […]

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Entertainment, Featured

Single Man Celebrates Steak & Wank Day

12 Mar , 2018  

A Single Man Is Making The Holiday More About Self-Love Barry Knobber from Portsmouth is planning to take celebrating Steak and Blowjob Day into his own hands – literally. As Barry does not have an S.O., he intends to tenderise his own mean, in both respects on the evening of the 14th of March. We […]

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